Saturday, August 27, 2011

Preparing for the Unknown

Photography by Art-O, the site also has a really beautiful poem.

(Note: I wrote this as a journal entry two months before getting laid off. It is the first of many entries in which I keep asking the universe to get me out of that job and situation. Maybe the universe has a perverse sense of humor or maybe I should have been more specific in my pleas, but regardless my calls were answered and now here I am in a different place trying to figure out my next steps.)

So much to consider and weigh, and somewhere in the past few weeks, (or is it months?) I keep circling back to the notion that I am not living the life I should. It is that same nagging feeling that you get when you take a trip and know your forgot something, or you left the house and don’t remember if you turned the stove off. The feelings and thoughts cannot be simply pushed away, and it feels as if someone is tapping on your shoulder and the tapping gets louder, stronger and heavier until you open up the suitcase to take an inventory or return back home to ensure your house is not on fire. Call it the universe, call it God, call it…a calling, but everything inside of myself screams that I should not be here…in this job…in this house…in this place. That voice, that urging, that feeling tells me I need to start packing, preparing and moving forward. Call it my own rapture of sorts, but it seems as if I need to start taking action on my ideas because it is my responsibility and that someone is waiting for me to get my butt in gear.

So, I shall start. Not at the beginning, or the middle, or the end but rather this place here. I will start to tell my story, to set my course and to move. To where? Not quite sure, but I know that here is not the place to stay, and taking action is the only way I will figure out where “there” is. I must get all of these thoughts and ideas out of my head and onto a page, and as I purge and process all of this I will find my new place, my new home and my new life.

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